Isn't it unfair? People just walk in your life and then walk out, and you have no control over your feelings of joy when you're around them, nor over the melancholy ones when the leave. Even worse, early on you don't even know how to be around them, or how to behave or feel because you've been away so much, because you've been alone far too many days. It's a two edged knife where you're gonna get hurt anyways; you can't keep people out of our life, nor can you befriend loneliness soon after they leave. Even when they are around you, you know they are going to leave in couple of days, and the thought of sleeping alone, entering the room and not seeing them, or going to the places alone that you went together just breaks deep down. In the end, you are going to sleep alone, quiet, not laughing, and you'd notice no one sitting on the bed as you enter the room, and when you go to see movies, you'll feel awfully lonely walking every step and remembering the words, the chuckles you had together, or the ATM machine that they withdrew cash from... you are gonna miss them, and you have no control over it.
No matter how many plans you make to fill out that feeling of loneliness, it isn't going to work. The solitude you once so cherished, now drains the life and light out of you. It controls you. That's why it's unfair, they leave for their homes, while leaving me afar. I wanna be home too. I wanna travel with them too. But I can't. I have to live on with this lonesome feeling. I write this in the mourning of their departure today, on Dec 25th, around 12.30 pm probably an hour before their bus leaves for Quetta; a day of Merry, happy Christmas, not so happy for me.
No matter how many plans you make to fill out that feeling of loneliness, it isn't going to work. The solitude you once so cherished, now drains the life and light out of you. It controls you. That's why it's unfair, they leave for their homes, while leaving me afar. I wanna be home too. I wanna travel with them too. But I can't. I have to live on with this lonesome feeling. I write this in the mourning of their departure today, on Dec 25th, around 12.30 pm probably an hour before their bus leaves for Quetta; a day of Merry, happy Christmas, not so happy for me.