Today I realized, I can't shop. I knew I was bad at shopping, but today when I tried it out alone, I was just pocket-closed and confused-headed. The recent times have been bad, but the impact on be, as I keep discovering now, is even worse. I mean, I was price conscious, but now I am just head on, extremely frugal. I keep running the numbers in my head, comparing each thing to another, although they don't relate at all, and try to find the cheapest most unexpectedly relevant deals. Take this for example, what is the best and most that I could get at Rs 15? As I have found out, it is the Digestive Cookies, my favorite kind of cookie. How is it best and most? Well, most of the other biscuits in this price range are now Rs 17, Idk why the the extra two rupees of tax.. It disturbs the whole numbers concept; you buy it and you know you are going to spend a twenty rupee note because you'd never take the 3 rupee change, rather instead, bubbles or candies are better options. Then, a DC (digestive cookies) packet packs 10 cookies, while others don't. Even if you take the double-sides, cream in between cookies, they offer 8 pieces at most. The cream you ask? Well, it's never as good in taste. Oreo, on the other hand, is the best option in creamy-chocolate cookies, but remember, we are seeking out the most budgeted option. A debate about a 15 rupees cookie has never been more argued but now, and believe me, I've been such a absurd, price-conscious person either. But as of now, this ill, extremely frugal mindedness of mine is a real threat to self-respect and mental peace. I skip out on bills when our friends have a meal at hotels; I either pay 20% of my of bill or I don't pay at all. It has even happened that I have lied about of having the purse with me. It's all so stingy and frustrating later when the bill is paid, and I am left with the guilt and a spot on my self image. But the dilemma is real, you either satisfy your frugal mind and torture your self respect, or you spend and fight out the post-spending frustrations about how you could have saved money, or how unnecessary that purchase was.
Today, I tired myself and bought nothing. I even frustrated the shopkeepers through my rude, but unaware, behavior. Even though they cut the prices as low as I wanted them, after me leaving the shop and walking off on their set prices, I yet didn't make the purchases. Why? Because my head wasn't clear and I didn't know what I wanted, even though I knew what I had come for. It's just disgusting, and absurd, and hate worthy. I'm tired of it. The purchases I do make, being the cheapest ones, never come out as durable. But the next time I look for something more premium, the prices shuts my pocket immediately.
Maybe next time, I would mount enough money and make a one-at-a-time shopping list that would be satisfactory. Not that I'm short on money, but then limited as well, I can't spend much. I don't have the heart for it. Although it's absurdly frugal of me to be this way, I think the wiser I shop and the more I shop, and with better results off my shopping, I can balance out this behavior and make shopping fun for me, rather than a tiresome disaster every time.