Part One: "Practical Life"
Growing up, or rather, while maturing my thoughts, I often came across questions, I still do; questions about everything and anything. What is love after all? Am I as good I think I am? What is the right way to live? They say ignore others, but what are we if not presented to others? Or how is the future going to be: marriage, kids, career, old age, loneliness? And what do I really know, or do I know enough to answer these questions? Am I with my assumptions and stubborn beliefs the righteous one, or am I completely on the wrong side? The thing is I think a lot, I mean all the time and many things have contributed to my this busy mindset all the time. Here, I would like to talk about the things that really happen; things you hear about so often, or never, that turns out to be exactly the same or even worse. Things that teach you, but the hard way. You may know it, but you can't escape it. The only way is, through.
My teachers at school: study children! Life ahead of you, "practical life" is what they used to call it, is very difficult. You can't imagine what you'll go through. Now, in my early 20s, I have realized, not much, but a bit of it, and I have to say, it does taste sour. I mean I wouldn't be justified to call this young, crazy, probably the best years of my life, also what you hear most often but I can't talk on it since I'm in process of living it, difficult, effort-full or completely depressing. But for it was. I broke my heart for the first time, I couldn't get myself into any universities, I came short against my family's expectations, and for the first ever, I felt judged, compared to, and thus, not enough; you're never enough when it comes to others judging you. So yeah, it is pretty rough. You're growing, you've got these hormones changing you in the most unknown ways, and so you become this moody, disrespectful, entitled-ly free young boy who doesn't wanna listen to anybody. But that's just the beginning. It moves on, and you see everyone around you as enemies: your family, your friends that argue against your, expectedly wrong decisions, and people in general: you hate everyone all at once.
Blessed are those who have a career set up for themselves, because those who don't goes through the next tiring, breaking, and unacceptably tough situation: the continuation of your education. You want this, or you don't want anything because you've not decided in which case whatever is offered comes out as something you don't want, and others, your family, friends, teachers, they want something else, welcome to the first real decision making challenge. You can't decide, or best way to say it is that you can't choose the right decision, because every decision you choose is bad one, for the time being. Finally, you come to a stage where you're like, 'you know what, F it!' whatever comes my way, I'm going to pursue it, which is what I did. You try here, you try there; they say no, others say never, and your family says you're good enough. Not good enough because: look at your marks, what were you doing the whole two years of higher education? Well, I was discovering love and breaking/sickening my heart for a life-time; because he did that great thing, he (2) did that even greater thing, and you could probably did the worst thing possible; because you're lying around all day, eating, shitting, and sleeping, and repeating of course; because every expected thing we do for you during this period, which comes out as a great favor done for you own child, is terribly over-done and wasteful, you probably deserve nothing; and because you're not earning.
Lucky, equally grateful too, which I still am, I had the support of the family and went ahead and done myself into one of the universities and saved me from the exhausting, frequently consecutive 'because's, but it didn't end there. You think, once you're in and educating again, that you're on track and to the career ahead; uh...... not quite. Because the university that you study in isn't the BEST university in the world, and unless it is, you're not going to see yourself through a peaceful, enjoyable, rather relieved first semesters of your university life, into the mid semesters you might make mind up or understand the fact that all these don't matter that you'll realize the situation and focus of things ahead, which is yet undiscovered for me.
And this is where stand by now: little matured through the little of the hardships, or this word seems just too much so let's replace it, little of the life's rough edges which to be honest were, I quote myself here "difficult, effort-full or completely depressing". I was suicidal, depressed, alone, and completely different from the young souls around me. But while it all stays "real very", and the difficulties plus the lesson stand "extraordinary", it hasn't only been the "practical life" but something even more practical than life... Love.
To be continued for.... Part Two: Love.