Part Two: Love (pt.1)
Is love all we need? Do we need it all...?
Let's talk about the feeling that is considered to be the exact feeling of God, yet still the feeling that leads to utmost pain; a feeling so beautiful, yet ugly meanwhile; a feeling that defines humanity, yet breaks the most humane body-part, the heart; a feeling so special, yet so easily severed; a feeling so dreadful, yet so wholesomely attractive; a feeling so prematurely introduced, yet a feeling that lives even in the afterlife; a feeling that has aroused pain like no other for as long as history goes, yet a feeling still sought by all, from animals to humans to angels; a feeling that scars, yet a feeling that heals... so yeah, let's talk about Love.
And let me (I quote Lil Wayne here) "wear my heart of my sleeve like it's the new fashion" because how else could you talk about Love if not from the depths of your heart?
I had love all around me from the very moment I opened my eyes, like everyone else, held upon the crossed hands of my mother and against her chest, while others (I wasn't the firstborn, so yeah "otherS") standing around smiling, cheering, laughing, tearing some drops of happiness. Though the joy wasn't as enormous and special as it would have been for the birth of my eldest sister, but let me add, it wasn't probably no less. So me and love, or actually we all and love go as back as our birth, but we didn't know it yet. Yeah, I might have felt it endless times throughout my childhood days but I never recognized it, or felt through a name, or a bondage, which means I didn't feel it as a whole...of course that was until.
Until the songs that I started listening talked about it, about how it feels, or what it is; how it feels to be in love, or how it feels to be far away from the one you love, and of course it talked about the first-sight love that I experienced way back in the days when I was a sixth grader. Well, I had only heard about it, so I couldn't have known what it actually was that was happening to me, nor was it that intense for a child like me back then. But it happened, we smiled, we laughed, we competed (she wasn't a schoolmate, I went to govt school, all boys there, but classmate from the academy where I went to learn English), we liked each other and our time together. Though short-lived, understandably, it was my first encounter with love. And it stroke back years later.
It was cold and I was in a hurry to get to the class (again no school, we don't have school days in Winters, but a tuition for exam preparation) and as I stepped up the stairs and looked up (I always look down while walking; my mother used to make fun of me by saying that I look for dropped coins when I walk on the streets) to approach the door, there she was, after about 4 years, standing right in front of me. She was as pretty, probably prettier, I didn't even mind the thick glasses she was wearing now, as she was back in the old days. She asked, (I was still recovering from the numbness and spontaneous shock that the moment brought) "Do Math and Physics classes take place in this room?" She wasn't alone, she was with a friend as I recall from the, now, pretty much washed-up, faded memory of that day. I don't think she had recognized me, or she didn't show it even if she had, which did hurt a little, though this unusual, first-time-felt, pain wasn't just because of her aloof expression towards not recognizing me, it was a cluster of feelings that made me feel what I felt (I can't name it one specific thing). I felt many things at once: over-the-top happiness, an inner born, genuine smile, possibilities for a rekindled past, and pain for not having all these emotions in return, and of course not being recognized. Remember what I said in the previous paragraph that it wasn't intense for me back then because I was a child, but this... this right here, was. It definitely was instantaneously intense!
"Ibtidaa-e-Ishq hai rota hain kiya? / Aagey aagey dekh hota hain kiya?"
(Why do you cry, it's only love's beginning my dear. / What mysteries lies ahead, you should fear.)
It is my closest attempt to translate and rhyme the lines into English. Anyways, these lines should give you an idea that what I felt was only a sparkle of what I was about to encounter ahead, yet still what I have encountered so far is only a sparkle to what I will encounter further. School ended, and "all boys company" ended with it too; college started, and the coed company started with it too, and I thought well, time to spread them wings a little. But for a shy, introverted person like me, this new multi-gendered environment proved to a challenge rather than an opportunity for a relationship, or let's say a proper introduction with love. School was a dry period for me, notwithstanding, it ended up on a more Spring-full node for me, and my college years were the years that I lived these seasons of love (pretty much like earthly seasons): Spring, Summer, Winter and then finally, Fall. Starting from a competition that I was not interested in, and being picked out for the one of the two teammates because I was, you know, parhney wala bacha (studious student), this journey ended up in a hall where we received the 2nd prize (most of my teammate's efforts) and where I saw the 2nd girl in my life (not like a second general girl, of course not, I mean I studied in a govt school but I still saw girls, but the 2nd 'particular' girl let's say). And so started Spring, which bore flowers out of text messages, the only means of our communication. Don't ask the details of how I got the number, because you do. You always do find it one way or another. (Deep words now) It was beautiful, of course it was. We talked, well we texted, endlessly. It's such a joyous experience when two strangers bond together and ride the time together that brings them closer by each passing second; each second, you think about her, and about you two together. It's busy, but actually a fun-time being busy. You've just started to feel this new thing inside you. Suddenly, there's a bright light illuminating withing you that could be felt through your outlook, face expressions, words, the way you meet people, meet your family; it's all different, it's all more beautiful, more special, more meaningful than before. And still, just like the transition from the introduction stage to growth (business reference since I am a business student) in a product's life cycle, this Spring was then to be followed by the Summer in this relation's life cycle, which of course was more brighter, bolder, closer and "most" lovely.
To be continued.... Part Two: Love (pt.2) *Summer