We stretched it too long.
Our love is lost in miseries
Of breaking and coming together
Again - and again.
There's but agony, pain, and naive hope.
What could be worse than being apart?
Not being able to be apart
When there's nothing left to be together for.
I thought I'd change, so would my luck.
But all I did was to repeat the same patterns:
Too passionate, too soon;
Too hopeful, too hapless;
Too forward, too short-lived ...
And my luck did but obey my actions.
No silver lining, no miraculous favors..
And I am where I've been many times,
Defeated by my efforts for a long communion.
It'd be unfair not to smile for the good times.
They indeed, this time, were precious.
No wonder, I didn't want to let go,
For the good feelings always overdo
The rather painful ones...
But how long, my dear? How long?
It's both meaningless and painful thereby
To resee the good moments that seem
Too gone - too gone to have ever happened.
An illusion they seem, and illusions don't
Happen the same way twice ...
I know it's hard - but more than that,
It's lethal. You live but to see your death
That is, the death of efforts and passion.
But in this funeral where I've been
Quite a few times,
I find, an empty, almost dull, but proven truth:
There is no communion of which I look for.
How stupidly daring of me to try to put together
Something that is fortuned to never be.
How foolish of my emotions to rely on emotions?
We love at the cost of this misleading distraction:
A distraction from our existential loneliness.
A loneliness that forms as you exist;
Rare it may sound to you,
For you haven't peaked inside of you
Where this rests - but should you be pitied
Or celebrated over this fake yet blissful
Ignorance?
Maybe we all know it - and I am the exception.
Maybe you all have learned to be happy,
But I find it more courageously daring to
Fall deeper and deeper into this melancholy
And depression where I find a saddening peace.
However glooming and dark it may appear,
Why could this not be a state where you could live
For the rest of your life?
Where nothing exists, which is to say,
There exists no effort, no hope.
But an ultimate and lonely wait
For one's own death.