The
Art of Loving
by “Erich
Fromm”
In his classic work
the art of loving, legendary philosopher Erich Fromm explores love in all its
aspects – not only romantic love, steeped in false conceptions and lofty
expectations, but also brotherly love, erotic love, self-love, the love of God,
and the love of parents for their children.
The word Love,
although having a big influence on our lives, is never actually thoughtfully
explored. We highly depend on our instincts or different versions of love in
movies and adult novels. Then, it is no wonder that we suffer miserably in our
relationships and constantly go through emotional turmoil, whether in
loneliness and painful breakups.
Although, such
conclusions could be drawn about most of the relationships these days, I
personally have suffered a lot in the realm of love and from my failed attempts
at finding a lasting relationship with someone. Naively hopeful, I have jumped
from one failed and uneventful relationship to another, looking for that person
who would finally understand me and quench my thirst for communion.
The turn of events
came for me when I came across the YouTube channel The School of Life. Their
insightful, illustrative and reality-based tender videos on Love helped me
navigate my way through the history of my messed up emotional life. Soon
enough, I began to realize that the only option to learn to love is not to keep
trying and causing more pain to both parties - but that Love could be learned
and performed in a more aware and conscious state. Alain de Botton,
Swiss-philosopher and writer and the founder of TSOF, says that “love is not
an enthusiasm, but a skill that could be learned.” And this insightful book
on love was also a recommendation of him. Now, I feel the urgent need not only
to learn to love but also to urge others in doing this life-transforming work.
It is no wonder to
find the core lessons that de Botton pronounces in his short videos on
love in this classic book. As Picasso once said, “Art is theft”,
ergo a man’s wisdom is but a manifestation of what he reads and explores. The
Art of Love is such a book that would awaken in their readers that quest to
learn about the art of love, and for once, explore the vastness of this art as
well as its sheer importance. This book, which I claim to be a textbook on
love, is as astonishingly thorough as seems impossible. How do you, even if you
are brave enough to, write a book about a topic that otherwise seems so
abstract and instinctive to everyone? Yet, the way this book is written, it
explores the whole entirety of love in all its aspects.
Starting from
exploring love as an art, Fromm then divides the book in two parts: the theory
and the practice of this art. In the theory part, Fromm explore the
different dimensions of love. From the love between the parent and child to
love between man and God; then from the erotic love between two individuals to
the very opposite that is the brotherly love for all – and of course, self-love
that binds it all together. All in all, it is both tenderly philosophical and
academically practical in its arguments. It is a rare phenomenon when you read
these two different aspects of an art, especially that of loving, illustrated
so exploratively and meaningfully.
Fromm, in The
Art of Loving, also provides us with some key modifications of the dominant
theories of another great psychologist Sigmund Freud. While I haven’t
read anything from Freud yet, his specific statements on love which Fromm
modifies, to me really seemed obsolete and emotionless. However, the revised
and more tender perspectives from Fromm, however old, are still to this date
relatable and applicable. In fact, it is more relevant today considering the
massive rise of Capitalism in recent decades; and the criticism of
Capitalism is the second main concern of Fromm in this book. If there is
any big factor that has made love so unavailable and aloof in our contemporary
society, it has to be Capitalism according to Fromm. In the hustles of this
dominating system, love has also become a thing of trade, and Fromm was very
much aware and devoid of this. If anything, his concern or criticism has only
proved to be more right over the years.
In the latter part
of this book, Fromm moves towards the practice of this art. However, at
the very beginning of it, he warns us that there is no specific how-to,
or shortcut around it. The art of loving, though it consists of a few core
principals which Fromm explores in detail (including discipline, concentration,
patience, faith and Supreme Concern), is different for everyone both in
capacity and intensity. What Fromm does here, and does so well, is to make us
aware of the roadmap towards love as a way of living, yet he leaves the walking
of the journey entirely to each of us. This book is the wisest one out there
which turns the abstract topic of love to a very applicable and learnable
course. I can only imagine how many lives this book may have specifically
changed, for I myself am much more aware of the vastness and power of love
after reading this book.
An
Excerpt:
“…as
if each individual had a fixed worth, some calculable integration of youth,
beauty, cleverness, status, and wealth.”
I will definitely
be recommending this book to many people in my life. For if there is one thing
we are vitally lacking, it is this art of loving - and this book not only makes
you aware of this illiteracy, but also teaches you the core themes that will
make you a better lover, that is to say, a better human.
My
praise for the book:
“One
of the few selected books that all humans MUST read;
The
Art of Loving does what no one thinks possible – it teaches you how to love.”
Ratings: 5/5 *****
(December 27, 2019)