Genre: Self-help/ Relationships
Size: around hundred pages
For me, maturing in love and loving The School of Life (TSoL) has come together. When my surreal relationship started with my unreachable crush back in 2019, I took TSoL as my guiding light. I watched, and shared with her, many of their videos about relationship in almost all its aspects. All of them well intentioned and deeply insightful, each video had something valuable to teach. Too bad, then, that it failed to be any bit practical at all: our merry days were run on buoyant emotions and our later fights on bitter ones – neither of us understood each other despite the insights from TSoL. There was no ‘practical intelligence’ alongside our intense emotions in our good and not so good days.
Nevertheless, I still champion de Botton’s philosophy of emotional intelligence for I have learned a lot from it. Allow me to mention my greatest sources of learning in life so far: books (of course), Pentagon academy, my brother Iftikhar, my friend Amaan, movies and songs, the process of writing, my observant and introspective nature, self-talking, and The School of Life.
I literally crushed, broke down from within, like a wall of bricks would, when she told me she was engaged (a lie I came to know months later). I had a wire-cut on my throat from a recent bike accident which I was sharing with her when she, very nonchalantly, disclosed this news out of nowhere. I lost it: I called her and she declined, again and then again and then again - she blocked me finally. I went into the bathroom and as I poured cold water on my clothed body to calm myself down, I realized this huge fact completely: she was gone from my life! My future shall be without her! Someone else is going to marry her! My heart felt like it was shot but not with a bullet; it felt like it was shot by a black-hole laser, since there was this huge and deep void inside my heart all of a sudden – like she herself had exploded and had given birth to this screaming and terrified emptiness. I only smoked Capstan for the next few weeks, packets of it. I cried just as nonchalantly as she had broken the news. One cries so much that one sobers, yet the next morning the wound is fresher than ever and tears loaded. I remained blocked and I dared not contact her – I was afraid of her and the power she had over me.
So, what does my tragic story have to do with TSoL? “How to get over rejection” is one of their videos about the end of a relationship (which no one really talks about) and it proved to be like a hug from my mother and words from a saint for my broken heart. TSoL has taught me a lot of things about myself and others, and the thing that keep us humans together - our emotions.
Sometimes I joke around with my friends, claiming that I’ve done a non-degree PhD in TSoL. And if so, then this series of three books brought to us under the title of ‘Essential Ideas’ might well be a joint-thesis or a doctorate-blog where all one’s learning is poured and neatly organized for a summarized knowledge. LOVE is the first book out of three (Self-Awareness and Serenity being second and third) which, for me, successfully explores and confines this much talked about topic in life and in TSoL itself. My complain with de Botton remains, however, that his prose is quite advanced and hard to get to for early readers and that his ideas are too ‘western’ on the whole. But I’ve read so much that no prose is difficult for me anymore (so first problem solved) and secondly, I have transcended and reached unison with the universe and I can see that all is one – love is love whether talked about in the west or done so secretly in the east.
This book reminded me of how mature and complete de Botton’s views are on love and how desirably eloquent is his way of conveying those insights in humorous and impactful prose. It covers love from the individuals involved to how couples should interact, rescues it from the destructive ideals of Romanticism and disdains upon the failings of modern techniques in love – and above all it explains and teaches the reader how to love – as in a skill is taught. It’s just too good; many a time I had to close the book in my hand and was either on the verge of tears for its deep understanding or highly amused by its inspiring witticism.
One might think that after having watched almost all of TSoL videos (except the later ones which are mostly marketing) that a book, however slim, might be too repetitive. But, no. The ideas, insights in this book are timeless and one should read it again and again every time one falls in love or dares to do so himself and especially when one’s heart is broken again. Even for the singles out there, there’re a few chapters; so everyone can read it – should read it. I give ‘Essential Ideas: Love’ five emphatic stars!
December 31, 2024